Life is always full of unexpected events. But not all surprises are fun, I reckon. Sometimes, you think you are slowly finding your place in this world, and reality suddenly hits. There are things you can’t ever achieve however much you try. There are people who are living the life you desperately yearn for, yet you might never be able to reach that goal. The feelings of worthlessness and inferiority keep piling up, and before you can stop them, you are already losing the will to live.
What it’s like to lose your will to live
The feeling that your mind is going out of control is indeed scary. We might think our body would listen to every command the brain gives out – that’s how it should work, right? Yet, it has never been the same case with mental illness. Whatever you attempt to do in order to manage your emotion, those terrible states of mind won’t stop as you wish.
Losing the will to live is that kind of feeling. It’s like living with a constant, heavy pain in your chest that refuses to stop even if you try to smile it away. Sometimes it’s just small ripples running underneath, but sometimes it comes in big waves and surges over all of your other emotions.
People give up on life because they feel too much of a burden. They figure that their existence is just to put up a fight day after day, and they’re absolutely sick of that. All their life, they’ve tried their very best to achieve their goals, but everything now seems pointless and unreachable. They can’t bear the feeling of pain, sadness, and stress that is forced on them anymore.
There is no point in keep fighting when they’ve already had nothing left to give back. They’re just so done with the world.
Depression can take away your will to live as well. This video perfectly explained how mental health can affect people’s view of life:
The ugly truth of my existential crisis
I used to wonder if it was normal to feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to. I was at such a young age as well – the kind of age when people would usually tell you to “live life to the fullest” and “enjoy your passionate youth”. They would certainly be shocked to hear that if I had been given a chance to die painlessly and peacefully, I wouldn’t hesitate to take it.
To make my anxiety worse, my friends of the same age were all very optimistic about their future. They had made so many plans for not just that year, but also a few more years onwards. Everyone seemed to already know what they were doing and how to achieve their goal.
The peer pressure sure felt overwhelming. It was as if I had to immediately find what I liked and what I was good at so that I wouldn’t fall behind. The struggle only made me realize how useless and out of place I was compared to others.
Whenever I felt that way, I’d choose to completely hide from the world. I hated how weak and vulnerable I was, so I didn’t want anyone to know that version of me. It was also for me to avoid having to THINK – about my insignificance, about others being better than me, about the meaninglessness of life.
I didn’t want to get out of bed having to figure out what tomorrow may hold.
As my emotions kept getting out of hand, the thought of my loved ones – family and friends – became unimportant. Even though I didn’t want to hurt them, I kept pushing them away. I thought if I were to talk about my struggle, they wouldn’t listen to me or would misjudge me because they couldn’t understand what I was going through. There was nothing I could do to fix these problems, so what’s the point of living anyway?
Finding the will to live: What you can do to enjoy life again
Figure what’s wrong with yourself
Losing the will to live sure sounds scary, but it doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do about it.
First, take a break and look back to what you have been doing. If you have lost all your satisfaction and interest in life, there might be something you are doing very wrong. We might very well be digging holes for ourselves, creating habits that are pushing us back instead of pulling us forward. Escaping this confining routine can indeed be a huge challenge, especially when you’re already worn out end exhausted.
We are often so absorbed in what we perceive as ‘normal’ that changes seem impossible. It’s always easier to stay in the same place and accept what’s given, rather than break free and expand your boundaries.
That’s why you feel you’re done with life – because you are so used to maintaining your status quo and refuse to alter it. You’re afraid to back out, but you don’t have the confidence to try new things. Thus, you keep tormenting yourself with your excruciating living patterns instead of saying “That’s enough!”. If you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to explore other possibilities, your whole existence can be refreshed.
The future isn’t as bad as you may think
The ‘now’ is all we have. The past can be forgotten, and the future is full of possibilities. You may never know what you can miss out if you don’t start changing your way of thinking today. We keep getting the chance to learn new things, go to new places and find new hobbies in life. Sure, some potential future events may seem scary, but there are also all sorts of pleasant adventures waiting for you.
From my own experience, once you look back on your suicidal thoughts in a few years, they’re all going to seem pointless and silly. I realized it was just me who was making myself miserable and desperate. I was the one responsible for my agony by keeping the terrible routines and refusing to change for the better.
I received so much help from others when I was at my lowest. Even if it was someone I know or a random person on the internet, they truly brought me out of the darkness. As I successfully got through my worst mental phases, I knew I had to start giving back. I got myself a suicide prevention t-shirt on Hyperfavor to raise more awareness. Many people actually approached me to talk about their problems while I was wearing the shirt, and I was glad I could be of help to those in need.
Remember, “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". You never know what the future holds for you, so please don’t completely destroy all those potentials. Consider therapy if you feel the need to talk it out to someone. You deserve to find a life that’s worth living. And it’s definitely possible.
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